Time to Move On

I know what you’re thinking.

“This Charles kid, he told me he was going to update me with funny jokes and pretty pictures every time he went somewhere new this summer! However, due to his utter lack of bloggage, I can only assume that he is sitting at home rewatching the third season of Arrested Development and drinking Miller Lite at 2 o’clock in the afternoon.”

Well despite your judgemental assumptions (jerks), not to mention your use of the word bloggage, which frankly, makes me want to vomit, I have in fact been going places on that list I laid out in my first post.  Most recently (well, July 2nd, but who’s counting?) I went to the swimming hole at the Eno River Quarry.  Here’s what I first imagined when I heard the words “swimming” and “quarry” in the same sentence.

A: Large jagged rocks.  LOTS of large jagged rocks.

B: Shark infested waters.  Completely unsuitable for swimming.

C: Me and Natalie Portman recreating that scene from Garden State where her and Zach Braff scream a few times, then start making out.  Except in this version it’s not raining.

Ok, now here’s what the trip ACTUALLY entailed:

A:  Pristine, completely swimmable water.  Deep, but sharkless.

B:  Me, my roommate, and some people I knew fairly well, but not well enough to engage in primal scream therapy with on the non-existent jagged rocks.  I’m the one with two floaty noodles.

C:  Some group of high school kids.  They were much braver than we were when it came to jumping off of things.  Their floatation devices were also much more baller.

D:  Two kids either hooking up or smoking pot behind some rocks.  I didn’t really care to see which it was, so I’ll just leave this one to the reader’s imagination.

E: I came here to see the abyss, not jump out of a tree.

Update

Another place I haven’t been:  to the store to buy the new Coldplay album.

No thanks.

Square One (part two)

Last night was my birthday, and I didn’t go to Players. I KNOW. Relax though, the time is near. I’m just waiting for at least one other person who actually wants to go to accompany me. For those of you upset by my procrastination in actually going to any places I haven’t been (you know who you are), I offer you this sweet pic:

Square One

I suppose I should begin my adventure by checking off the closest destination on my list: Players. For those of you unfamiliar with Players (Player’s? Players’?), it is (apparently) Chapel Hill’s premiere 18+ dance club. From what I hear, this makes the mean age of females in Players about 18.5, and the mean age of guys about 31. I’ve also been told they serve a drink called the holy grail, which, according to my reliable sources, gets you “pretty fucked up.”

Upon googling “players chapel hill,” I came across the following business reviews.

“low class, high fun.

Good club for UNC students or people who want to meet them. Drinks aren’t too expensive and it’s a really large place. The bar is HUGE! The dance floor is large and they do play a wide selection of music. If you don’t dance (like my overly caucasian self) just chill on the leather couches and watch the game. Make sure you order the Holy Grail, but just one!

Pros: large bar,good servic, young, fun crowd, not too expensive

Cons: definite meat market, occasional Dukies”

Good servic? Sounds enticing. Meat market? I can only assume this is a nicer way of saying sausage fest, which itself is a nicer way of saying “everyone at the bar has a dick.” Here’s an even more descriptive review-

“Players – not my first choice

Rating:

Players is not exactly the first place I think of going on a Friday night. It’s ok for a drunken night when you want to get dry humped by some random guy, but if you’re looking for something with a little less raunchiness and a little more breathing room, I would suggest something else.”

Harsh. At least the reviewer admits that, for those select few that DO enjoy getting dry humped by some random guy, Players is actually a pretty decent place. I guess I’ll have to wait and see for myself when I finally break down and go. My own review will be forthcoming.

Expected Pros: getting “pretty fucked up”

Expected Cons: everything else

Into The Great Wide Open

Summer is a boring time for everybody, sure, but even more so when you have no big events on the foreseeable horizon. As a recent college graduate without a “real job,” (I still work hard for my money, mind you) I have decided to turn this hot, sweaty void into a short-term, short-distance traveling opportunity. THEN I’ll get a real job…

Now, I know people tend to blog about places they are currently in, or at least have visited in the recent past, but I have decided to defy tradition and start a blog about places I merely intend to visit. Am I a bad ass or what? Oh, and after I do visit these places, I will post pictures and a description of the visit, which I realize will rob this blog of any uniqueness it might have had. Such is life.

I’ll start with a list of places I’ve already thought of visiting this summer. The only criteria for being on the list are that the place have some historical, cultural, or geological significance, and that I, Charles Cleaver, have not been there. If anyone reading this, and I imagine there will be about three of you, has any ideas as to where to go, or wants to accompany me on any of these trips, please let me know.

Nantahala River (which I, until recently, thought was pronounced “natin’ holla”)
Okracoke Island
Eno River Quarry
Players Club in Chapel Hill (yep)
any NASCAR speedway